


and i can't ever seem to try and ask for help

by princet_ro



Series: tsus challenge 2021 [4]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Panic Attacks, idk what to tag it as but roman is just Not having a Good Time, tsus challenge, yes this is completely projectory why do you ask
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-13
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-14 04:00:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29412303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princet_ro/pseuds/princet_ro
Summary: Roman was fine. He didn't need help. He wasfine.Except maybe he isn't, and maybe that's okay.
Relationships: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders
Series: tsus challenge 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2140665
Comments: 9
Kudos: 44





	and i can't ever seem to try and ask for help

**Author's Note:**

> okok tsus day 13. im aware that ive missed,,so many days, but im gonna post all the ones that i forgot to at the end of the month, its _fine_
> 
> challenge here: https://emy-loves-you.tumblr.com/post/639397525381611520/sanders-sides-unpopular-ships-challenge
> 
> tws: panic attacks, roman has Bad Memories (hmu if theres anything i need to add!!)
> 
> im considering renaming the tsus series Giving Roman Sanders Everything because that's what it's become sjaknbflal

It was loud.

Not the good loud.

The bad loud.

The others were arguing. They did that a lot. It wasn't like that was something new.

This one just...felt different.

He knew it sounded stupid, but it was true. The air felt charged, it was loud but so, so silent at the same time.

Someone was crying. Was it him? He didn't know.

A door slammed. Probably Virgil's, judging by the shout that followed.

His head banged against the top of his desk, and he cursed. He liked to hide under his desk. It was cozy, and nice, and small and nothing could get to him then.

It...It reminded him of the courtroom. The yelling, the crying, the everything. And the hurt. The hurt was there too. It was  _ that  _ kind of argument.

He felt stupid. It wasn't even a big argument, and what did he have to do? Make a big deal out of it, just like he always did. It had literally been about maths. Fucking maths.

Logan had been annoyed because Thomas wasn't listening to him, and apparently, when Thomas reached for a calculator to figure out the money he owed someone, it was the last straw. 

He hadn't lashed out. He had just...left. But then Virgil started lashing out for Logan. At Janus, and Patton, and of course, at Roman. And they had lashed back. Well, Roman hadn't. He had just...stood there, and watched everything fall apart over and over again. Standing there. Just...standing. Was he crying? Didn't matter. He had closed his eyes and held his hands over his ears.  _ Block out the noise _ , he told himself.  _ Block put the noose and then maybe it wouldn't hurt. _

He ended up sinking out when they were distracted.

And now he was here.

He had put his headphones on and turned his music up full volume. It would probably break his ears, but it was  _ fine. _ Everything would be fine.

He registered the song playing- it was his comfort playlist, all soft piano covers and quiet, melancholy songs. They helped, kind of. At least they were loud enough to drown out the voices.

Someone might have called his name, but he told himself it was just the background music. Maybe someone banged on his door, but it was fine.

He barely felt anything, just...numb. Which was the same thing, but it was fine. He didn't feel like he was in his body, or his mind, or even Thomas's mind. He just...was. It was nice.

He would just keep telling himself it would be fine. Maybe eventually it would be.

The loop of the song broke and the next song started playing.

Maybe one day it would be fine.

He felt cold. The chill had finally caught up to him, and he pulled out his under-the-desk-comfort-blanket to huddle in. 

It was still cold. Not like the temperature anymore. It was just...cold. He didn’t like it. It wasn’t the fun kind of cold, the type where you huddle with your friends in a blanket and tell spooky stories and drink hot cocoa, no. It was just cold, cold and numb and bad bad bad.

The door opened and someone stepped in. He could feel them- their warmth was contagious, and he felt a little of the frost melt away from his head. The person looked around the room, head snapping to his desk when he let out a shuddering breath. 

"Roman, can you hear me?"

He looked up at the other, vaguely seeing a striped blue tie and glasses through his blurred vision.  _ Logan. _

He tried to speak, but when he tried the only thing that came out of his mouth was a choked noise. He fiddled with his sash as his ears turned red with shame. Nobody was supposed to see him like this. He was supposed to be strong and brave, not some pathetic coward hiding under his desk because he couldn't deal with the fact that hey, maybe he was the problem!

"Are you okay with being touched?" His voice was soothing. It was nice. He reached for Logan's hand but drew back when the contact burned. He shook his head. No touching.

Finally, after what seemed like an agonizing eternity of trying and failing to speak, a concerned and overwhelmingly warm look on the intellectual side's face, he managed to choke out a couple words, "Please….just stay."

A soft smile curved onto Logan's face, "Of course," He seemed to notice the way Roman's hands were twisting into his sash, "Would you like a tangle?"

He remembered telling Logan that he had a box of tangles that helped him ground himself.  _ He didn't think Logan would remember. _

"The red an' blue one," He murmured. 

"Okay." He walked over to Roman's shelves and shuffled a few papers around, finally finding the one that matched the description- red and blue with yellow joints- and handing it over. 

It was better. He still didn't feel very princely, but he could hear more now and his head felt less clogged.

They stayed there in relative silence for a short while, the only noise being the clicks of the tangle and the music that Roman had taken the headphones out of to echo around the room. But it was good silence this time. He nodded decisively, ignoring how Logan looked at him curiously. Good silence.

Another knock sounded and he stiffened, looking at Logan in worry. 

"Roman? Are you...alright?" Deci- Janus's voice sounded from behind the door, muffled but still worried.

Logan looked at him, a silent question in his eyes.  _ Do you want him here? _

He pondered it for a moment. He didn't want to remember the wedding, or the callback, or the screaming and crying and the knock of a gavel against wood. He had done enough remembering.

But it wasn't Janus's fault. Well, not fully. His wounds were still fresh, and even though Janus had caused a lot of them, he had hurt him back. They were both at fault, and they both were to be sentenced guilty. There was no prosecutor. Only two defendants running against each other, each shifting the blame between them.

Roman didn't want to be against Janus anymore. It was exhausting, all the verbal traps and the lying and the...everything, and Roman was tired. He didn't want to keep having to ask questions. He just wanted to rest

After seeing his minute nod, Logan opened the door for the other side, who peeked in almost awkwardly.

Roman almost laughed, breaking a little out of his stupor. "Come on, Lying King. Come join the party."

Janus settled down delicately on a pillow, reaching out to Roman. "Can I-"

Roman stiffened, but decided to try touch one more time. He was in a slightly better headspace than when Logan had tried, and so he found himself nodding along to Janus's unspoken request.

A gloved hand held his gently for a moment, waiting for a sign that it wasn't okay. He didn't receive one- only a small smile that told him it was fine.

The hand started playing with Roman's hair gently, and he leaned into the touch, Logan wondering idly from the sidelines about whether they had been wrong about Virgil being like a cat when Roman was actually a lot like a feline: affectionate, prideful and slightly reckless at times, but very cute nonetheless.

Roman was practically melded to Janus's side at this point, half asleep and eyes lidded. Reaching out a tired hand to Logan, he gave a small laugh. "Cmon Specs. Cuddles."

Logan crawled over hesitantly, letting out a small squeak (which he would adamantly deny ever happening) when one of Janus's extra arms wrapped around his waist and tugged him closer. 

"Is this okay?" Janus asked. Logan nodded begrudgingly, trying and failing to smother the smile on his face.

Janus resumed stroking through Roman's hair, who gave a small sleepy giggle but mainly lay there, watching the sunset through his curved windows.

Maybe it would be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> title song is prom dress by mxmtoon. i hope u liked reading!! comments feed my insatiable hunger for validation, as do kudos, so please consider giving some <3  
> my tumblr is @princet-alifabulousme
> 
> anyway Catboy Roman Rights


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